sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
