So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
