Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Randomize
