Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
