just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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