Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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