so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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