i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
