You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
