Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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