how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
