Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
