you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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