I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
