It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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