You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
