with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
