If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i've created a new STD.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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