My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
