I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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