It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
