I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
