He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
