Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
