Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
