If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
