her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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