worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
