please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
