im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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