Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
