dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
