I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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