Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
