I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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