I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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