Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
