We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
