it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
