Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
