She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
