well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
