the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
