Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
