Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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