Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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