I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
