So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
