it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
