Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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