ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
