The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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