i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
