Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
