Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
