Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
